I posted this when my daughter died in May. She was 25 and the autopsy showed it was fentanyl.
They say nothing is worse than losing a child. That is absolutely true. The overwhelming crushing sadness is suffocating. I am trying to make sense of it all but right now I just need to grieve.
Sierra was my wild child, a free spirit and daredevil. She had so many hopes and dreams but the main thing she wanted was a family. Her girls were her world.
Sierra also had a disease called addiction. In high school it was alcohol and marijuana. She used to say, ‘I only smoke pot and pot grows in the ground’. With Sierra if a little was good, more was better.
After high school she started the music festival scene where anything goes. Eventually she met someone who introduced her to perc’s which is the last thing she needed. She made a choice so I can’t blame anyone else. I think it was occasional and sometime after her first daughter was born, they started snorting heroin because it is cheaper.
I think she thought because she snorted it and didn’t use needles it wasn’t as bad. The real downward spiral started after her second child was born. She OD’d numerous times and went to rehab. We brought her and the girls home with us thinking a good environment and her children would be enough to keep her on track.
It wasn’t. The grip of heroin is incredible, which is why such a small percentage of people survive. Two or three weeks in rehab doesn’t fix anything. The treatment needs to be intense and for a long period of time. Do you know how hard It is to find long term care?
This is why we need to support the programs that are truly helping people and the drug dealers that are selling heroin and fentanyl need to get the death sentences they are giving our children.
My daughter didn’t want to die and she had been clean for a few months. We actually had a nice conversation that morning and she was supposed to be on the way to visit her daughters. I don’t know if it was a case of, “one more time,” but sometime that morning she purchased a couple caps. She was driving to see the girls and did a bump. She had a fender bender and when she got out of the car she collapsed in cardiac arrest. The paramedics tried to administer Narcan, but it was too late.
I know I have to go on, especially for her daughters. Thank God I have them, but it will never replace her. The thought that I can’t see her or touch her again is almost too much to bear.
Please, if you see the signs do everything in your power to fight. Lobby congress for stricter laws and support programs that are helping people create new lives.
I lost my beautiful daughter and Delilah and Sofia lost their mom way to soon.