Quarantine

This quarantine is making for some strange life arrangements. I don’t go out much anyway so that hasn’t changed, but my television schedule has been thrown into disorder. I rarely watched the news before and now I don’t watch it at all since all they talk about is the coronavirus. I get it: wash my hands, avoid people.

The sports channels which I would regularly watch are now devoted to speculation about the NFL draft or what baseball will do once this virus has passed. I don’t look for basketball updates since I don’t watch it anyway.

On what would have been opening day there were a lot of baseball movies playing. There was “Bull Durham” with Kevin Costner. “Field of Dreams” also with Kevin Costner. “Major League” with Charlie Sheen. There was “Take Me out to the Ballgame” with Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra. “The Pride of the Yankees” was a movie about Lou Gehrig but the most interesting thing about the movie is the appearance of Babe Ruth in a scene with Gary Cooper (Lou Gehrig); the Babe steals the scene. I started to watch “The Babe Ruth Story” but remembered at the last minute that it’s awful with William Bendix playing the Babe.

I did watch a replay of the 1983 World Series between the Orioles and the Phillies and stopped myself before watching a replay of the 1979 Series between the Orioles and Pirates. I still can’t listen to “We Are Family” on the radio.

I watched all of the Harry Potter movies in their correct order along with the “Star Wars” flicks. I checked out most of the “Rocky” movies and wondered how he can even walk and talk now. I watched “John Wick I and II” about ten times. Keanu Reeves plays John Wick, a professional assassin who kills approximately 150 people in each movie. He never misses and even though the ones gunning for him are also pros, they can’t ever seem to hit him.

I saw movies with Charles Bronson, Clint Eastwood, Steven Seagal, Bruce Lee, and John Wayne. I watched all of the “Mad Max” movies. I watched the Eagles, Elton John, REO Speedwagon, and The Rolling Stones in concert. I saw Ronnie Woods interview Paul McCartney.

I generally try to watch WBOC in the morning for local news, although they seem to concentrate more on Delaware than anything west of Salisbury. One of their features is Chopper Willie who flies the WBOC chopper over Delmarva and gives you a brief history of the town. The town will be by a river and have a railroad track running through it. It will have a couple of churches visible from the air. Willie will say, “This is Scrappleville founded in 1836 by the Rev. Elijah Scrapple. In the mid-1850s Scrappleville was a thriving center for the export of Osage oranges which the U.S. military used in their cannons for training exercises. When the Civil War ended, Scrapplevillians tried painting the oranges yellow and selling them like grapefruits.”

Today, the main export is decoupage sayings that you can affix to polished pieces of wood. Stuckey’s is their largest customer. Only a cynic would think that since all the towns look the same, Willie may be making some of this stuff up.

Advertisements have started to confuse me. I can tune out the various disease ones that are prevalent, but one of the most persistent of these are the ones for hair loss. These make up a large part of every show I watch now. When my hair fell out I was not particularly concerned so I guess I was in a minority of the country.

What does concern me is the large number of ads for “tac” stuff. There is a tactical visor you put over your normal windshield visor which cuts down on glare. With the “tac” visor you can see a large semi-truck hurtling towards you. Even more disturbing is when you use the “tac” visor, a giant eagle appears across your entire windshield. There is also a tactical razor available that lets you shave underwater if the need arises.

Are they not telling us something?

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