Conspiracy! In the current discussion over a new Bay Bridge, I'll never understand why the State of Maryland doesn't petition the Defense Department to open the fabled Chesapeake Bay Military Tunnels from the Calvert Cliffs Nuclear Power Station to Taylors Island, integral to President Eisenhower's National Defense Highway System (the "Interstate"). Excavated and built in the late '50s, it was considered by both Ike and President John F. Kennedy as too critical to military defenses, and so was kept secret and never opened to the public. This gem of engineering features bi-directional tunnels, each having three lanes, high enough to accommodate transports carrying the enormous missiles of their day — which could make possible double-decker reconstruction for six automobile lanes in each direction per tunnel. With such a plan, passenger bus, truck and commercial semi-trailer traffic could be confined to the existing Bay Bridges. I am aware, of course, of exemptions necessary from the National Park Service to extend such a highway through excess saturation properties in the Blackwater Preserve, but am sure President Trump would have no objection. But aye, here's the rub: The Defense Department is loathe for any recollection of the tunnel to eke out. Elder journalists have admonished me to be wary of my simple proposal, recounting visits to their doors by unnamed intelligence service personnel during their heyday. Could it be the Defense Department, indeed the military industrial complex, is hiding unknown laboratories and unimaginable WMDs in the tunnels? What unknown monstrosities lurk beneath the waters of our beloved Bay? I say it is time for an accounting, and for us to proceed with the reconstruction of the renamed Chesapeake Bay Island Holiday Tunnels. As I am a simple retired priest, the economic bonanza lay beyond my wildest imagination. Modesty constrains me.
THE RT. REV. JOEL MARCUS JOHNSON